How to Balance the Shift in Relationship: Transitioning from Partner to Caregiver

When you step up to the plate to provide care for your partner or spouse, the dynamic of your relationship shifts. A once-equal partnership between spouses/partners may lose its balance, causing one to feel dependent on the other. Navigating this shift while maintaining the balance in the original nature of the relationship is possible – and tends to improve the quality of life and care for the care recipient partner – but it takes a bit of proactive work. In this article, we’ll discuss how to navigate it. Let’s dive in.

Why the Relationship Dynamic Shifts

For many couples, the transition seems to happen overnight. You go from a familiar and equal partner in every aspect of your life, to one being responsible for the other in one or many respects. Whether it’s a temporary dynamic shift for an acute condition, or a lasting change because of a chronic or worsening condition, this transition isn’t an easy one.

This shift may come with feelings of grief over the loved one, frustration at the unfairness, loss over memories planned that may not be kept, and an odd juxtaposition of gratitude for the ability to care for them and relief at your capacity to do so.

It’s a confusing experience full of emotions, and it’s important for the relationship that you both recognize and acknowledge that. Here are our tips for balancing a partner/spousal relationship with caregiving.

Open Communication

You knew this one would be here – open and clear communication is key for balancing the shifting dynamics. Bottling up how either of you feels will only allow room for any negative feelings to fester.

Small sparks of anger, resentment, misunderstanding, or questioning each other’s intentions can quickly spiral. Consider creating a set time/routine for check-ins so you can make sure you stay on the same page. Maybe end the week with a quick, “How did we do this week?” chat.

Chat about topics like:

How it feels to receive help
What tasks feel overwhelming when giving help
Where you can work together to better support each other
Where maybe you should consider bringing in professional or respite help, if needed
What fears or frustrations you experienced this week
What you’re excited for in the coming week
Etc.

These conversation starters can help you see each other on a deeper level through this – as two imperfect equal humans learning to navigate a new experience together – instead of as a power struggle or breeding ground for resentment.

External Support

You may need to adjust more than just your personal relationships to one another. External outings, errands/chores, friends, family, work, and other responsibilities may all start to feel an impact.

Getting through this transition is always easier with external support. Some couples find that support through the network of people they’ve always known – friends, family, or local or religious communities. Others may need to branch beyond their comfort circle to find the support they need. If your existing network of people isn’t supportive or understanding in a way that feels constructive, consider cultivating a new sense of community through other channels like ailment-specific nonprofit organizations, caregiver support groups, or ailment-specific support groups.

The sense of support is grounding and can help smooth out the rough edges of this new normal you’re hoping to cultivate.

Both Sides Need Care

Family caregivers are at an elevated risk of depression, anxiety, burnout, chronic conditions, and illness. This is for many reasons, not the least of which being self-isolation and stress/overwhelm at the gravity of the situation you’re in.

To provide the best care for your loved one, you can’t neglect your mental health. Here are some self-care tips to help you do that:

Don’t be afraid to hire a respite caregiver when you need a break.
Ask for help from other people who love your partner.
Do things with your friends and family away from the responsibilities of care – get coffee, go for a walk, go see a movie, grill together, or go bowling.
Allow yourself some time each day to do something just for you. Call a friend, read a book, go for a walk around the neighborhood, or buy a sweet treat.
Talk to a professional when things start to feel heavy.
Don’t neglect your own medical appointments.
Find someone (besides your partner) you trust you can talk to.

Closing Thoughts: How to Balance the Shift in Relationship from Partner to Caregiver

The shift from partner to caregiver can trigger a variety of responses – it’s not an easy change. This transition will create a lot of problems for you if you don’t handle it with care. Take time to protect your relationship with the tips in this article.

If you’re looking for support as you transition into this new normal, the California Caregiver Resource Centers are here to support you. We are a non-profit network of 11 Centers that support caregivers across the state of California. Every county in the state is covered.