Caring for elderly parents is a big job—and it usually lands on the shoulders of adult children. Sometimes, that brings siblings closer together. Other times, it can stir up tension, old patterns, or even outright arguments.

The truth is, caregiver sibling resentment is really common. And it makes sense—everyone is stressed, everyone is trying to do what they think is best, and no one’s at their absolute best under pressure. The good news? With a little openness and teamwork, siblings can smooth out those rough spots and find ways to share the load without tearing each other apart.

Tips to Prevent or Overcome Sibling Resentment

Here are some effective tips for keeping the peace, working together, and remembering you’re all on the same side.

Start with Open, Honest Communication

Oftentimes, one sibling feels they’re carrying the heavier burden or aren’t getting the support they need from family.

Since resentment typically builds in silence, it helps to just talk—really talk. Say how you’re feeling, share what’s on your plate, and listen to what your siblings need, too.

Even if you don’t always agree, being honest and respectful goes a long way in keeping family members connected and informed. If it’s challenging to navigate these types of conversations, consider speaking to a skilled professional as a group.

Clearly Define Roles and Expectations

“Helping out” means something different to everyone. That’s why it’s easy for things to feel lopsided if you don’t set clear roles. One sibling might think calling twice a week is enough, while another is handling full-time, hands-on care.

Sit down and spell it out: who’s managing doctor visits, who’s paying bills, who’s checking in daily, and so on. Having ground rules avoids misunderstandings and keeps resentment from sneaking in.

Acknowledge Each Sibling’s Strengths and Limitations

Not every sibling can do everything—and that’s okay. Maybe one lives nearby and can handle the day-to-day caregiving. Another might live far away but be great at organizing finances or researching assisted living options.

When you play to each other’s strengths, you can accomplish a lot while reducing burnout for the group.

Equally, instead of focusing on what someone isn’t doing, notice what they are doing. Appreciating each person’s contribution makes the load feel lighter for everyone.

Schedule Regular Family Check-Ins

Life and caregiving change quickly—so it pays to be nimble. A quick family call or monthly Zoom meeting can help everyone stay in the loop.

These check-ins are a chance to:

• Share updates on your parent’s health.
• Shuffle responsibilities if someone’s feeling maxed out.
• Revisit big decisions, like long-term care or day programs.

It’s much easier to handle small course-corrections regularly than to deal with a crisis when no one’s been talking.

Avoid the “Primary Caregiver Martyr” Mindset

If you’re the one doing most of the work, it’s easy to slip into “no one helps me, and I’m the only one who can do this right.” That mindset makes burnout—and resentment—almost inevitable.

Try to let your siblings pitch in, even if they don’t do things exactly how you would. When given the chance, others may find they’re more capable of contributing than they previously thought.

Plus, asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s how you keep yourself strong enough to keep caring in the long run.

Ask for Help Clearly—Don’t Expect Mind Reading

Sometimes we assume our siblings should just know when we’re overwhelmed. But people aren’t mind readers.

Instead, ask directly:

• “Could you take Dad to his appointment on Thursday?”
• “I need a weekend off—can you cover?”
• “Would you handle researching assisted living options?”

Being clear makes it easier for siblings to step in without guessing.

Use Outside Support

Even the best sibling teamwork can’t cover everything. And that’s okay—outside help exists for a reason.

Think respite programs, adult day centers, in-home aides, or even a care manager to help sort out bigger decisions. Bringing in outside support protects both your parent’s well-being and your sibling relationship.

Recognize and Respect Different Grieving or Coping Styles

Caring for elderly parents comes with its own kind of grief. One sibling may throw themselves into caregiving, while another avoids day-to-day involvement because it’s too painful.

It may look like one sibling cares more, but often it’s just different coping styles. Try to respect where each person is coming from, even if it doesn’t look the same as your own.

Listen to each other, then delegate based on comfort level and ability.

Set Boundaries for What You Can—and Can’t—Do

No one can do it all. If overnights during the week don’t work for you, say so. If you can’t make financial decisions on your own, speak up.

Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re healthy. They help prevent burnout and keep caregiving sustainable for the long haul.

Celebrate Team Wins, However Small

Caregiving is hard. It’s easy to dwell on what’s missing, but taking a moment to appreciate small wins makes a big difference.

Did your sibling manage a doctor visit? Thank them. Did you all agree on an assisted living plan after a tough talk? Celebrate that. Even a simple text saying “thanks for covering” helps strengthen your team.

Also, be sure to celebrate getting through caregiving together—it’s no small thing. Find time, weekly or monthly, to pat yourselves on the back or go out for a little treat.

At the end of the day, you’re all family, and every win, whether as a team or an individual, is directly tied to the quality of care for your aging loved one and yourselves.

The Bottom Line

Caregiver sibling resentment is tough—but it doesn’t have to take over your family. With honest conversations, clear roles, healthy boundaries, and a little outside help, siblings can turn a stressful caregiving situation into a more balanced and supportive one.

When you focus on teamwork instead of tension, you not only support your loved ones better—you also protect your family bonds for the years ahead.

Trying to navigate family dynamics can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. The California Caregiver Resource Centers are a non-profit network of 11 Centers that support caregivers across the state of California. Every county in the state is covered.